Introduction
Life often surprises us with emotions we never expect to carry for so long. Some feelings linger, rooted deep within us, shaping the way we see the world and ourselves. This is a heartfelt story of love, loss, and the struggle to move on.
The Beginning of an Innocent Love
I am a 20-year-old girl, and I never thought that the emotions from my childhood would still haunt me today. It all began when I was in the fifth grade—a boy proposed to me. Our families found out, and they reacted strongly, keeping me under strict supervision ever since. Despite the restrictions, the feelings remained, quietly growing with me.
As I moved to the 6th and 7th grades, my emotions deepened, encouraged by friends. However, we hardly spoke, maybe once or twice a year. I believed that when I was older and had my own phone, things would be different.
Struggles Within Family Boundaries
Throughout my school years, laughter and friendships filled my days, but the connection with him remained hidden. Our homes were close, yet family tensions made everything complicated. My elder brother kept a close watch on me, making sure I had no contact with him. Despite everything, I never considered him my “ex” because my feelings never faded.
After SSC, I became busier with HSC studies. One evening, we met briefly—just for a few seconds. His simple words and my tearful goodbye became our last real interaction.
The Shattering News
Then, one day, I heard he got married. My heart sank. I messaged him, but he didn’t reply. Later, he reached out through a mutual connection, claiming he was forced into the marriage. I believed him, but I told him, “I can’t break another girl’s family. You should be good to her.”
Still, he insisted, “I will divorce her. I can’t be with someone I don’t love.” I didn’t believe him. Life moved on, and so did he. Seeing him with his wife broke me in ways words can’t describe. Since that day, panic attacks became a part of my life, and I had to rely on medication to cope.
Battling Depression and Holding onto Dreams
Now, as an admission candidate, I struggle to focus. I gave my DU exams, hoping for a fresh start, but his memories weigh me down. Preparing for other university entrance exams feels impossible. Last Eid, I smiled through the pain of seeing him with someone else. The heartbreak runs deep.
I promised myself never to message him again, yet the urge to talk remains. I don’t hate him—I can’t. And that’s what hurts the most. I want to hate him, to let go, but my heart refuses.
A Cry for Healing
I want to move on. I want to forget. I want to hate him, but love doesn’t follow logic. Despite everything, there’s a part of me still hoping. I’m trapped in this cycle of memories and emotions, losing the strength to carry on.
I hope to find a chance to escape, to heal, to rediscover myself. My depression grows daily, and I’m drowning in loneliness. But somewhere inside, there’s still a flicker of hope—a hope to find peace, to focus on my dreams, and to be free from this invisible chain.
Conclusion
If you’re reading this, maybe you understand how it feels to love someone you can’t have. Maybe you’re fighting your own battles with memories you can’t erase. Just know, you’re not alone. Healing takes time, and even the deepest wounds can find light. We are stronger than we think.