Life is very short, and sometimes, we face challenges that make it seem even shorter. The journey I have been on has been filled with ups and downs, but it is the struggles that have shaped who I am today. I keep pushing forward, even when I feel like I’m about to fall. The problem began three years ago, and since then, my life has never been the same.
The Fear of Love
It all started when someone unexpectedly entered my life and said, “I love you.” At first, I was scared. I couldn’t believe it. Growing up in a broken home, I was used to being overlooked. No one ever seemed to like me, and I often found myself isolated. I was bullied in high school, which made me retreat even further. In order to express myself, I realized I had to become strong from within. From that moment, I became known as a sensitive person. In my personal life, I am very sensitive, and that part of me is still present today.
Struggling with Failure
In this short life of mine, I have been through more than I ever imagined. Despite everything, I continue to push forward, trying to leave the past behind. I have come a long way, but there have been times when I’ve failed. Even after trying twice, I still couldn’t get in. I saw firsthand how harsh reality can be. I realized that dreams don’t come easily. Only the person who has faced failure truly understands the deep pain of being so close to a dream, only to have it slip away.
Although I overcame the pain of failure, there is another type of pain I have struggled with: the grief of losing love. Over the past two and a half years, I have tried everything to heal. From visiting psychiatrists to searching for answers on my own, nothing seemed to help. Today, I haven’t had a peaceful sleep for a long time. I can’t remember the last morning when I didn’t wake up with tears in my chest.
The Pain of Losing Love
I am tired of fighting with myself. He told me he would never leave me, and I told him, “Time will tell.” But in the end, time passed, and he wasn’t there anymore. I never wanted to be involved in such a relationship, but maybe I couldn’t handle the love I had been searching for since I was young. Eventually, I loved him too. But after a while, he realized that he no longer loved me.
That moment nearly drove me crazy. I tried everything to get him back, but he wouldn’t stay. Now, he has found love with someone else and is giving his heart fully. Just like I always wanted from him. It hurts deeply. Is this pain rooted in jealousy, or is it the regret of not receiving the love I longed for?
I waited for him to come back, but he didn’t. He found love in someone else. I respect his choice, and there is no resentment. I just want him to know one thing: how much more love could you have given me if you had truly loved me?
Searching for Peace
I feel lost. I don’t understand why he ignored my love and left. I wanted him to stay, even if it was out of pity. But now, I long for peace. I want to live my life to the fullest, but the fear of death is gradually eating away at me. I have two eyes full of sleep, but I can’t sleep. I yearn for peace—true, peaceful sleep.
Moving Forward
The pain of heartbreak is real, and it takes time to heal. But it is also a reminder that life is short, and we must learn to live with the pain and grow from it. While I still carry the scars of the past, I am learning to let go, to accept what has happened, and to find peace within myself. The journey is long, but with each step, I move closer to the peace I desperately seek.