I am seeking honest advice because I am mentally disturbed and have not been able to sleep for a long time. I have been married for only a few months. I am 21+, and my husband is 30.
Since our marriage, I have noticed that my husband seems indifferent towards me, showing little emotional or physical attachment. Alhamdulillah, I believe I have all the qualities a woman needs to gain her husband’s attention and love. I take great care of him, always considering his likes and dislikes. I do everything even before he asks, keeping myself tidy and presentable. Yet, I feel he lacks any deep emotional connection with me.
Shortly after our marriage, I found out that my husband had a relationship that lasted for five years. They were married, but due to family issues, their marriage ended. He loved her deeply and tried hard to make things work, but fate had different plans. I love him very much, drawn to his piety, simplicity, and fear of Allah. That’s why I agreed to marry him. I trusted him completely and never expected that a man like him would have been involved in such a past.
Before marriage, I asked if he had any past relationships. He swore by Allah that he didn’t. However, after marriage, he admitted everything. I now know all about their love history, which fills me with sadness and frustration. It pains me deeply to see that he still holds onto memories of her, even though she is now married with a child.
I feel like a beggar for his love, drowning in overthinking. It hurts the most when I don’t see any genuine interest in me. How can I forget all this and focus solely on our life together? How can I love my husband more despite the emotional distance?
I’ve read some of their old chats, and each word feels like a dagger to my heart. I often cry all night, staring at his face, wondering if he ever wished for me to be his wife. It hurts to think about the dreams and loving conversations he shared with someone else. I desperately want to forget everything, but the pain lingers.
When I talk to him about this, he says, “You are my wife, and she was my past. Leave it.” He admits they kept in touch after our marriage but claims to have repented and ended all communication.
I feel like I am becoming emotionally overwhelmed. How can I escape this mental turmoil? How can I receive the love and affection I long for from my husband? Please, if you have any advice, help me find peace.